This is a typical narcisstic behaviour. I have been there too! Iam also a Doctor (he is too), we work for the same institution. Hewas in and out in the relationship ( he did not want to call it arelationship) he would swing from being nice (I would not call itloving) to being mean, rude, and disrespectful. Examples: he wouldgive me the joke of "let's be friends with benefits". He also saidthat the reason he did not want to show affection, it was becausewomen get spoilled. Each time I tried to get closer he pushed meaway, then accused me of not kwoing how to be in a relation. Hewanted to control all aspects of my life. He called me the woman "Iwant to possess". yet I had no saying on what he did, where and howhe spent his weekends (when he desappeared he prefered tocommunicate through text messages). We did not spend vacationstogether. He was off to visit his "ex". When I asked why we werenot spending evening or week ends together, he said he needed hisprivacy. I was seeing him on his schedule, never on mine. He neveraccepted to share anything, any aspect of his life with me. I didnot know he had a home phone number !! But even when I was able tosee him (at his request, which was everyday) I always felt like Iwas annexed. He was dying to have sex with me. I waited for aconsiderable time because I felt he was still (very much) in touchwith his (ex) wife, I had doubts. The night we had sex at his place(his way), he woke me up in the morning to ask me if I wanted tohave breakfast before leaving or leave and have breakfast at myplace (it was Sunday and that was my first visit to his place). Healso announced that he had been trying to buy his air plane ticket(while I was sleeping) to go and visit his (ex)wife in the next fewdays. When we met, he said the divorce was filed. It was a lie !!Ittook me a year to get out of it, and it is taking me 9 other monthsto overcome. I was still trying to understand the nature of hisrelationship with his "ex" wife when I learnt about the new woman(not from him). He told me she was an old friend, he was stillcalling me honey and darling when he started having his affair withher (in 9 months he called me honey twice, darling once, babyonce). He drags the new woman to all our professional dinners andmeetings. He needs to show that he can love and be loved and thathe dumped me. I cut all kinds of contacts expect when I had to bein a meeting. He tried for four months to have me back (as a friendhe said). I changed my numbers, went to therapy and read all Icould find to understand myself.To the person who posted thisquestion: leave that jerk. You will have your precious self back.It is hell to leave them but hell is the only path to yoursurvival. Take it !! Don't let him ruin you, don't try to keep himby losing your self, he will dump you anyway. It is not about you ,it is about him. you said you are feeling insecure, use him to feelstronger and in control. Trash him you will feel good. It is goingto be hell, but don't give him that power, take your power back.This is your chance to feel even better about yourself. He willleave you anyway, even if you stick around. He will never be therefor you ! He will excell in demeaning you (he is already doing it)whey would you stay. You are a successfull woman, a doctor, it isnot a joke. He does not deserve a minute of your time. Give thattime to your self, your patients, give it to other women who needyour help. it is Ok to Lose him but it is not OK to loseyou!!!freewoman
I wrote this question, but need to vent! I don't know what to dofor the best! I've been in a relationship for over a year withsomeone I think is of the toxic NPD variety. It's like an emotionalrollercoaster and I just can't take any more of it. I'm the one whohas ended up on anti-anxiety pills, yet I find it hard to walk awaybecause I love this man. Also, I got with him just after I moved tothe area - I have no family and few friends here, because he tookover my life. Maybe I'm just scared of being lonely, who knows...but... the burning issue: does this sound like NPD?
He can be the most loving, caring person one minute, and thenext tell me he hates me and wants me out of his life. If I say theslightest negative thing, he strops off - oh yes, he can throwtantrums to rival those of a two year old. We are both in our latethirties. I have worked hard, gone to uni and got a steady job andmy own home. He still lives with his mother who caters to his everywhim (and who incidentally also appears to have NPD!). He stayswith me one night in the week and Sat/Sun nights. All other nightsI'm meant to leave him alone to 'enjoy his time off' of me. He putsan awful lot of negative energy into telling me how much he doesn'twant me and wants me to leave him, but the next day he will bedeclaring undying love. I get a Christmas card telling me how muchhe hopes we spend many more christmases together, then yesterday hewas telling me how he wishes I would just disappear out of his lifefor good.
He swears at me a lot, calls me names, tells me I'm stupid (I'ma doctor!) and thick, and a dozy cow... tells me he can't say Ilook good because it will make me big-headed (I'm so not! I'm quiteinsecure which is why I think I put up with his rubbish). If I saythe slightest negative thing (even asking to turn the tap off), he'dumps' me, packs his bags and creates a scene about going home. IfI say anything he doesn't like the sound of on the phone, he putsthe phone down. he keeps telling me he wants me, then in the nextbreath I'm told I'm a flash in the pan and he's lost interest.
He spent a lot of time yesterday telling me how he keeps me awayfrom all his friends because they hate me (they don't know me!) andhe's scared I'll embarrass him - how i don't know. I hardly drink,am not crass and have never yet said anything to show him up.
is this all just about protecting his fragile little ego? Ireally just don't know what to do any more. It seems that if hecomes to my house, sits for three hours with his arms folded andignores me, I'm the one in the wrong when I want to know what'sgoing on. I should just 'mind my own business'.
I could go on and on... but really I suppose I'm just lookingfor confirmation that this is typical NPD behavior, before he sendsme completely over the edge and I start believing I'm the one withthe problems!
____________________________________________________________ howin the world can you stay with a guy like that? He's not a man -he's a nothing! Does it really matter if he has a personalitydisorder distinguished by the dsm when he treats you like crap!? Idon't get it at all. You've pretty much written a case against himyet you're still with him. I think you should see a therapist.He/She can help you understand yourself better and to be the strongperson you are meant to be. I hope you come to realize that anabusive relationship will always disappoint you and bring you down.You should be insulted when he treats you like this! I'm sorry if imight sound insensitive but you are a young successful woman andyou would throw away all the satisfaction that brings for anothing? Life is short and you my dear are ALIVE. Live your lifewith joy and love unapologetically and you'll find you have no eyesfor losers like that. god bless -D
yes it is npd,my boyfriend asked me to go stay with him 3 monthsinTulsa,Oklahoma,i live in the Netherlands,that's Europe i went,thesecond day we had sex,the day after he told me that he didnt feellike he was supposed to feel about me,so he said our romanticrelationship was over,but hewanted me to stay ,we could be friendsand i could enjoy my time there!so,i stayed,but then he begins withhis push and pull games,ignoring me, when he cames back fromwork,he started to play games on the PC for hours,on the weekends13 hours playng those games,i wasnt aloud to answer the phone,if hehsad aphone call and got irritated and i asked who it was, i wasntsupposed to ask anything and so went on and on,but if i said,listen i am going back to holland he would say,see you are notgetting what you wanted so you are kicking and screaming andleaving,so if you go back i wont nothing to do with you anymore!soi stayed,and the hesays to me he would be happy when i amgone,because he wants nothing to do with me,if i tried to hug himas a friend,he says friends don't do that with each other,andbesides i don't like you!and a day later he would wake me up in themidle of the night and hug me!believe me i thought i was insane!soi left a month earlier and he doesnt want any contact with meanymore because he says i have a bad caracter and he doesnt wantnothin g to do with a person like me,wheni was there i bought allgroceries,gave gas money etc and i travelled 10.000 miles to bewith him,i am sad ,broke and couldn't understand what went on,butnow i foun out out is npd,but still hurts,and stupid me i feelsorry for him,i don't understand myself!yesterday he sent me anemail telling me to live my own life,he doesnt want to do anythinggood or bad to me,only he wants nothing to do with me neveragain!
